SIMULBLOG: everything is not beautiful...

It's execution night on American Idol, as Ryan tells us yesterday was "amazing," and we got 32.5 million votes, the most outside of a finale.  Okay, I buy the record, but I don't buy the amazing, and, unfortunately, we get slapped with a recap of the "amazing" "record-setting" night.

Uh oh.  It's time for group sing.  Oh help us.  Everything is Beautiful?  By Ray Stevens?  Can I get a side of velveeta with those cheese fries.  Nikko and Jessica turn the song into something I don't recognize.  And they're all singing and walking out upon the Bo stage, also known as the catwalk.  Oh for the love of everything that is musical, can't anyone find a decent group song?  That was beyond terrible.  I would have preferred The Macarena.  And I think I prefer the Burger King king carrying the breakfast sandwich that ate Pittsburgh.

But they save it with a hysterical Ford commercial.  (Okay, I know it was also cheesy, but it was different, so I think it was funny.  And considering the pain caused by the group sing, the commercial was an aspirin.)

Time for the bloodletting.  Nikko is safe.  So are Constantine, Carrie and Bo.  Nadia, not you.  Get off the couch!  Get to the seal!  Jessica!  Leave the sofa!  Get off now!  Go to the stage!  Scott isn't talking to anyone tonight.  He's safe.  (Yay!)  Now the last three get toyed with.  Anwar, Vonzell and Anthony all get to hear their critiques and try to look cute while listening.  Ryan brings up the fact that last week the same three were sitting in the same spot and had to endure his cute little tease before cutting to the commercial.

And he jerks their chains again.  Creep.

Ryan puts Anthony through a wringer before letting him off the hook and sending Anwar to the seal.  Off the couch Anwar! 

Simon says he would replace Nadia with Scott.  Evidentially he didn't listen to Anthony last night. 

Nadia is sent back to the sofa.  And we are forced to look upon the poor puppy face called Anwar and the mad as hell face known as Jessica.

And as we await, we are forced, as if we care, to hear crap about retirement funds for persons in the academic field.  Oh wait.  That's me.  Never mind.

And then there's more weiner on a stick promos.  Is anyone actually watching that show?

Crunch time.  And Jessica is told it's last call for her, as the funeral tape runs.  She shoulda never dyed her hair.

Why is necessary for them to sing the song that got them booted.  At this point they've performed three songs with the big band.  They make a funeral tape.  Can't they select which song they want to be buried with?

Jessica sings out nicely as we finally get to see the group hug.

Till next week.

Simulblog out.

i want what she's having...

Top ten, eh?  If they say so.  Top four maybe. 

What is the deal here?  First night of finals I can accept and even overlook nerves, which translate into somewhat weak performances.  Week two of finals, there is only one disaster of a performance, and she got the hook.  What happened?  Did Mikalah suck the life out of this group as the door hit her in the backside?

I know I have an inherent bias here.  I neither like nor appreciate most of the so-called music that creeped out of the 1990s.  So, admittedly, I am going to turn a much more critical ear to the music I really don't like to begin with. 

But really!!  I needed some of whatever it was Paula was consuming to get through last night.  Then I needed some more to get through my taped replay today.

This season is different than the others in that, since all ten have at least the potential of blowing the doors out of the studio, one slip, one flat note, one forgotten lyric can send that kid packing the next day, because, now that we're rid of Mikalah, there are none of  "those," the ones who everyone knows will be worse.  But when there are multitudes of flat notes and poor performances, it's anyone's guess who will be picking up plane tickets.

Who's safe? 

Carrie.  She's been the most consistent, and seems to have legions of fans who will keep her in the game throughout April.  It remains to be seen if Simon's overt coronation of her as the heir apparent will negatively affect her.  I tend to think it will ultimately, which is why I don't think she will win, but as long as she keeps playing the game the way she's been playing, she really is not in any danger of leaving the sofa.

Bo.  Many people are imagining a Bo/Carrie finale -- the rocker versus the country girl.  Might be the best finale so far.  Even a lesser performance will not put Bo anywhere near the seal tonight or in the foreseeable future.  His fans will lose their dialing fingers before they allow that to happen.

Constantine.  Constantine entered this competition with the biggest fan base of all the contestants, and the gradual shedding of his rocker skin has kept the faithful dialing as well as bringing in new members to the flock.  So it certainly won't hurt that he had the best performance of the guys last night.  Pencil him in through mid- to late-April.  At least.

Who's somewhat safe?

Vonzell.  Two spectacular performances in a row have upped this girl's stock considerably.  Obviously she took to heart Simon's advice to become memorable.  I used to have to struggle to remember which name I kept forgetting.  I don't forget or overlook or underestimate Vonzell anymore.  Anyone who could make me want to listen to a Whitney song deserves kudos.

Who's at risk?

Nikko.  The judges are heaping on the praise for the comeback kid, but he still is fighting the "Mario backlash" of fans who, for some insane reason, blame Nikko for their contestant's resignation.  I think he's safe for the time being, but once the field thins out a bit, one slip on stage will mean a pink slip for Ozzie's son.

Scott.  For as long as he is in the game, Scott will battle the image problem and those fans who are just so turned off by his physical appearance and less-than-smooth stage persona that they will refuse to dial his number.  On the plus side, many people will see him as the "underdawg" he is, tend to gravitate to the downtrodden and will fly to the phones to save him when his vocals have failed him.  Like last night.

Anwar.  Oh Anwar, who began the competition as one of the overwhelming favorites, can only ride that adoration so far before people find themselves aligning with one of the other contestants, like Vonzell.  He has turned in three disappointing performances in a row.  If he's not in the bottom three tonight, and he performs at the same level next week, I don't see Anwar sticking around to make it to the halfway point.

Nadia.  Nadia found herself in the bottom two after Billboard week, and it may have just sent her and her fans an important message.  She rebounded this week, and turned in one of the better stage performances, but many people noticed her Jennifer Hudsonesque attitude last week as she stood next to Mikalah.  And it has turned many of once-fans into former fans.  Jennifer Hudson never fully recovered from her diva'tude last year.  I don't expect Nadia to either.

Jessica.  Simon said it.  I knew there was just something about Jessica, but I couldn't define it.  She's not innately likeable.  Her wardrobe, her styleand her attitude have screamed toughened bar chick.  So she does have to work on the likeability factor, moreso than most of the others.  And if she wants to stay away from the seal, she's going to have to choose stronger, bolder songs, like she did last week.  She needs to distance herself from Carrie, rather than following behind in her footsteps like an insecure puppy.

Anthony.  Anthony is the most at risk here.  He is the sugar-free vanilla in a house of 33 flavors.  He's ridden the cute Ukrainian trach-boy Clay Aiken-wannabe horse a little too long.  The horse is gettin' tired.  The horse needs a break.

In one way, predicting tonights bottom group is easy.  In another respect, it's the most difficult prediction yet.

Should be bottom three:
        Anthony, Scott, Anwar, with Anthony exiting.

Will be bottom three:
        Anthony, Jessica, Scott.

Bottom two: 
        Anthony and Jessica.  Anthony goes home.

 

early observations...

When you don't know, or recognize, a great deal of music from any one decade, it's tough to judge if you like, or dislike, the song or the performer.  That was my difficulty tonight.  But, overall, the show was, for the best top 10 they've ever fielded, a disappointment.

These are the early observations, without benefit of listening without watching or watching without notetaking, as always, from worst to first.

Anthony.  Could you have chosen a blander song that "The Way You Look Tonight?"  It seems that no matter what decade you're stuck in, all of your songs sound alike.  Bottom three last week was deserved.  I see you performing that song again, sooner than what you expected.

Scott.  Randy was right.  You were pitchy throughout the song.  Again, I'm still unsure if it was you I was not liking, or the song, but it was your worst performance to date.

Anwar.  At least I recognized this song, but Anwar, if you haven't realized by now that when you begin a song in your lower register that you are all over the place, you need to watch yourself on tape.  I hate agreeing with Randy and Simon, but your ending, and that money note, was the only thing that saved this song. 

Bo.  I can't believe I'm putting my guys all at the bottom, but they deserve to be there.  Bo, I love when you're rocking, but that song was terrible.  I liked the innovation of walking across the judges' table, though, considering that your walk across the catwalk has been already so overused.  And sucking up to Paula is not necessary, because she's going to drool whether or not you give her your hat. 

Nikko.  I didn't know the song, so I have little to judge it by except for the fact that the judges say it was terrific.  I, personally, didn't like it, but I did like it better than many of the others.

Jessica. Who stole Jessica.  Somebody swiped her and replaced her with a half black-haired lookalike, because that song was possibly the most boring I've ever heard on the Idol stage.  You sang it well, or as well as one can sing a lullabye, but, somebody put out an Amber Alert, because the real Jessica really needs to be returned to the show.  Pronto.

Carrie.  Okay, so I recognize Independence Day.  And I know that Simon is drooling all over you.  And yes, your vocals were pure asusual.  And your stage presence is improving, but Simon's "it" factor and mine are obviously a lot different.

Nadia.  I don't know why Simon thought Melissa Etheridge would turn people off.  It's a great song, and, while you did miss a few notes here and there, your presentation more than made up for the lack of vocals.  And your hair is much improved over last week.

Constantine.  How cool was it that, one week after paying homage to the Partridge Family, you decide to take on a song traditionally performed by female artists.  I love it when you slow it down, you don't scream, you don't jump around like your butt is on fire.  You really do have a decent voice.  You need to let it come through. 

Vonzell!  I hate Whitney Houston songs performed by anyone not named Whitney.  But in a night where disappointment was the word du jour, your show ending performance really was worthy of a number one placement.  And, even if you had hacked throughout your song, your hair was enough for me.

I never ever want another 90s night.  Ever.  The 70s were far preferable.

reminder! reminder! reminder!

                      It's a 90s night
        Idol Alert!!

 Watch and listen as the kids warble LIVE
through the songs of the previous decade.

                   Tonight at 8 p.m. 
              on that FOXy network.

it's speculation, but it's still fun...

Rumors are all over the map regarding tomorrow's theme.  Speculation ranges from TV show theme songs -- Here's the story, of a lovely lady... -- to disco to one hit wonders.  If they won't tell us, then all we have is the guessing, and they're stripping away our opportunity to come up with our own fantasy Idol nights.

So, because I don't know, I'm going to make my fantasy of my fantasy Idol night.  (And I hope that made sense, because I know what I'm trying to say, and that last sentence confused me.)  But I enjoyed creating my Billboard #1 list, I decided to play again, complete with clips, courtesy of amazon.com.

Disco.  What do I want them to sing if it's disco?  I don't.  Want.  Disco.  And it's MY fantasy.  So there.

But, one hit wonders?  Now we're talking fun.  Some of my all-time favorite tunes were one hit wonders.  So, I'm hoping the producers will take the hint, and give us a full hour of some of the best music ever to hit the airwaves.

A one hit wonder is defined as an artist's first appearance on the charts, a song that reached a level that particular artist was never able to replicate with any other song.  Need a list to refresh your memory?  Here t'is.

Now for my fantasy.

Anthony, would you consider Elusive Butterfly, a 1966 hit for Bob Lind?  It's such a pretty song.  Or, if you must, you could explore one of those actor-turned-singer songs, like She's Like the Wind, straight from Patrick Swayze and Dirty Dancing in 1987.

Thank you Anthony.

Hey Carrie, why not try Angel of the Morning, a stunning song by Merrilee Rush and the Turnabouts in 1968? (Even though the only clip I could find was Juice Newton.) No?  Then you must consider Debby Boone's only hit, You Light Up My Life, a #1 movie hit from 1977.

Nadia, you have some making up to do after the rooster/Cyndi Lauper disaster last week, so I want to hear Alive and Kicking's 1970 hit, Tighter, Tighter.  But I suppose I won't throw tomatoes if you select to sing Goldfinger a 1965 hit by Shirley Bassey. 

Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo Bo.  You need to rock the stage this week.  No more ballads, okay?  Not in my fantasy.  You will sing a song just for me.  And it will be My Maria, a 1973 hit by B.W. Stevenson.  You can change the lyrics to My Jennifer, if you want, but you don't have to.  But, I would be okay with Frijid Pink's House of the Rising Sun, from 1970, even though I prefer The Animals' version considerably, but The Animals were not one hit wonders.  (The clip is by The Animals.)

And Scott, my man.  One song, from 1971.  Smiling Faces Sometimes, by The Undisputed Truth.  You will rock that song.  But one of my favorites is Shame, Shame by The Magic Lanterns, from 1968.  Sing that, and I'll vote for you for two hours straight.  Promise.

Okay Constantine, you will either slow it down with Precious and Few, one of my faves from 1972 by Climax or you will jazz it up with The Night Chicago Died, by Paper Lace from 1974.  And that's an order.

Vonzell, I've chosen for you Get Here, from 1990 by Oleta Adams, even though everyone will say "Justin...Justin..."  I say Justin who, and it's my fantasy.  But I think you will shine singing the 1969 hit More Today Than Yesterday by Sprial Starecase.  So either's fine by me.

Anwar my husband.  Wildflower by Skylark from 1972.  Please. 

Jessica.  Lay a Little Lovin' On Me, from 1970 by Robin McNamara.  Get some boy background singers.  And dye your hair pink.  I miss the pink.

And Nikko, I didn't forget about you, even though I tend to.  You will sing I've Found Someone of My Own by The Free Movement in 1971.

Thank you all.  I will be very happy.

all you have to do is dream...

I had a dream last night that it was American Idol season, and the final ten didn't have a single note-murderer among them.  There were no Camiles, no Nikkis, no Leahs, no John Stevenses, and no Carmens. 

Then I awoke.

And it's true.  We're going to have a season where one performance can make or break a contestant because, even though we can rank the final ten in terms of the weaker v. the stronger, each of them has a breakout performance inside, just waiting to be released.

And it's all thanks to the goodbye we said last night to Mikalah, a cute girl with an amusing personality, who just was out of her league from the moment she stepped upon the stage.  Her only save was the fact that Lindsey was just more boring, which enabled Mikalah to make it as far as she did.

People everywhere are expressing absolute shock at the bottom three, though.  I wasn't shocked that Nadia ended up on the seal, though.  (Anthony was not surprising, and those who say his walk from the couch was unexpected haven't been paying attention.)  But Nadia? 

Tuesday (and, I suppose Wednesday, if we're being technical) was a disaster, from the pitchiness of the performance to the rooster on her head.  So, if we're voting (as they say we should) based on a single night's performance, she should have been standing on that stage.  If, however, we are voting based on the body of work thus far, she should have remained seated on the sofa.  After all, sitting there were performers who have given us, over the past few weeks, performances more disappointing.

Perhaps Nadia's walk to the seal is the best thing that could have happened.  When a player is told one week that's she's a steak in Burger King land, complacency is always a risk.  She now knows she's not immune.  And her fans know that too, much like Ruben's fans got a wake-up call during season two, and Fantasia's were given a kick in the pants during season three.

Have we learned nothing from Tamyra?

Mikalah handled her ejection with the poise and class of a pro.  So long to her.  And good luck.  We'll see her in the finale, but not on the tour.

Group sing?  Yikes.  I didn't think it would be possible to like last week's better than anything, but the kids' rather strident rendition of He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother, one of the softest ballads ever, just left me wanting to dump my heavy brother's butt somewhere alongside the road.  (It's in the sidebar, if you missed it.) 

But it's always a good night when the commercial makes me smile.  Hey!  Finally a fun commercial, nicely produced and sufficiently amusing. 

No word yet on next week's theme, although I have seen rumors circulating, speculating anywhere from club/dance hits (ouch) to one-hit-wonder night (YAY!). 

 

reminder! do over! reminder!

                                  This is do over 
            Idol Alert
          just in case any of you voted for Anthony
             when you meant to vote for Mikalah!
                           (And why are you voting for Mikalah?)

        It's DO OVER time!

The kids will be sitting on the couch, laughing at the flunkies behind the scene of the show, while the judges recritique Tuesday's performances, which were really taped Monday.  And the audience is just ticked because they wanted to see an execution.

        In other words, tune in tonight, 9 p.m. on Fox.
        Execution of one is scheduled for tomorrow.