Leroy, Leroy, Leroy...
What will we do with you?
You wanted to be on TV. And so you were.
But it seems you also wanted to be in jail. And so you are.
And you didn't even get to see your own performance.
Leroy. Not smart to shoot loaded weapons into occupied vehicles. And to think that, until now, I thought the only stupid thing you've done was to take out your teeth.
Did you miss watching Leroy "put Jesus first?" Here's a clip:
Viva Las Vegas...
Okay, that was cheap, but I couldn't help it. I saw a lot of cheap last night, so I figure I'm entitled to follow suit.
I have a new favorite. Well, at least a favorite on the female side of the aisle. And it's not because she has my name. Look out for Jennifer Todd, cause she's got the potential to be singing in May. And, in case you didn't not hear it, Simon had nothing to say about her weight. Guest judge Kenny Loggins did, while at the same time observing that Ruben overcame his "image problem." It's funny, but I don't recall any of the judges, at any time, telling Ruben he had an "image problem".
Weight, it seems, only matters for women. Alas.
But she's my new favorite, keeping in mind that we haven't heard from the majority of the Hollywood picks.
I wasn't as enthused about 16-year-old Mikalah Gordon as the judges obviously were. (Spoiler: she does make the top 40.) Maybe you had to be there.
But Bobie May and Joseph Land had me rolling in the aisles. Well, on the floor, since I don't have aisles. Bobie, hun, you don't need to have psychic abilities to know you can't sing. Ears are sufficient. And Joe -- you're not old! You're an idiot.
But our twin guy gets to go to Hollywood after all! Rich Malfetta, half of the Malfetta twins, both of whom were rejected in New Orleans, got his second wind in Vegas and got his gold ticket as well. Bet his KISS poster will be traded in for a Loggins & Messina one now.
That Neil Diamond wannabe guy was scarier than all of the Roaches in Washington. And that's saying a lot.
How did we know that the showgirl, Amanda Avila, would advance? How did we know? Oh yeah. Lisa Wilson, last year's hot tub girl. That's how.
And my pick for most adorable one so far has to go to the Cyndi Lauper/Linda Ronstandt girlie girl, Emily. Get some instruments and backup singers behind that girl, and I think she will shake the rafters. Or at least I hope so.
And my favorite line of the season so far:
"Will you let me talk without rudely interrupting me?" Paula Abdul actually said that. Paula. Abdul. Really. Not kidding.
Next week: Cleveland. That's in Ohio. Viva Cleveland.
It's New Orleans...
What a nice change of pace. Instead of packing the third audition episode of American Idol with the world's worst singers, the producers decided to give us a better early look at the Hollywood contestants. How generous of them.
And it was only an hour. What a blessing. And Gene Simmons as a guest judge. What a treat. Now I've been very vocal about hating the intrusion of the guest judges who don't have the heart, it seems, to give the Idols genuine criticism. "Oh your dress is very nice..." does not help anyone, and one Paula is more than enough.
But I am really enjoying the placement of the celebrity judges during the audition phase. Mark McGrath added some fun last week, and Gene Simmons was a hoot last night. (But, in all honesty, while one Paula is more than enough, so is one Simon.) I am, however, very grateful that the celebrity judges have been nixed after the preminary rounds.
There's always one standout reject -- remember Keith? William Hung? And, until last night I feared it was going to be Mary Roach fancy French G-name, but no more roaches for me. I don't like rejects who scare me. I don't like rejects who make me cringe rather than laugh. I love to laugh.
And Leroy Wells, you made me pee my pants. I don't know what I enjoyed more about you -- your interesting, never-before-heard and impossible to translate language or your pure joy just about being in front of the judges and on television. Whichever. Doesn't matter. I'll remember you.
I will also remember David Brown, but I have a suspicion we'll be hearing from him again. And didn't you love the tears of joy upon informing his church that he was headed to Hollywood?
Lindsey Cardinale, Paula was right (not a typo), you do have a unique voice. I think you'll make the top 24. Then we'll see.
For those of youwho kept up with me last season, you know that I had a sort of love affair with the much-maligned John Stevens. Of course that love affair lasted only until he butchered "My Girl" and stayed on the couch while my girl Amy Adams went home, but I found John's crooner stylings very refreshing. I felt the same last night about Michael Liuzza, who gave us some Blues. I'm not sure how far his Bluesy style will take him without the teenaged cuteness of John Stevens or JPL, which, of course, attracted the voters with the most dialing tenacity last year, but it will be interesting to see if he can master genres beyond the one he seems smitten with. I'll be watching.
And then there was that adorable Jeffrey Johnson, the pastor who nailed "In the Still of the Night." Gene Simmons was right with his observation that Johnson, if he wants to remain in good stead with his church, may have to tailor his song selection. But, of course, we don't know his church. Simmons might be making generalizations that are unfounded. And so might I.
Tonight it's Sin City and, of course, Elvis impersonators coming out of the woodwork. Then we have to endure two more "bad" audition shows, both next week, and four Hollywood episodes (which I tolerate much more than what we're watching now) before the live competition begins.
We start watching live (and it will be THREE nights a week) and whittling the field down to 12 on Feb. 22. Once the field is down to the final 12, we go back to twice per week.
It's gonna be a long season, folks, but by all accounts, this is going to be the deepest, richest and most talented group thus far. Time will tell.
Just last week I realized just how much I had missed my weekly dose of American Idol. So today, with nothing to do, I popped into the VCR a couple of episodes from last season.
I really do not enjoy the preliminary episodes; I prefer the competition. And it's interesting to watch an old episode with time and distance as an advantage. What did I decide? Camile was still awful. So was JPL. The episode I watched was a good John Stevens performance. But Matt Rogers, a contestant that I abhorred last season, really was much better than I remember him being. He certainly was ejected much too soon.
I miss these guys. I miss season two. I miss season one. So, in my relative boredom, I compiled a list of my AI all-stars. If I were hand-picking the final twelve from the first three seasons, who would I pick? Ten were easy; coming up with 12 was impossible.
In no particular order, here they are:
Ruben and Clay. Was there ever a more dramatic friendship/rivalry/showdown that the two guys from the season two finale? Both so different, but both so talented. This was what this show was made to produce.
Fantasia and Diana. Two girls from the south, picked from semi-final round one and are the
last two standing in season three. Unlike Ruben and Clay the season before, there was a clear winner here, but Diana held her own throughout the competition, until a nasty clinker of a note on finale night. But Diana didn't lose; Fantasia just blew everyone else away.
Kelly Clarkson and
Tamyra Gray from season one. Tamyra was inexplicably dumped too early, but it's doubtful she would have beaten Kelly, who has proven that she's a star with staying power.
These are the obvious choices. Now to the less obvious, but not difficult.
Latoya London. Anyone who watched seaason three understands that choice on pure vocal talent. In the end it was her aloofness that was her undoing.
Kim Locke. That final thr
ee group from season two was awesome, and Kim has proven with her hits that she belonged next to the two men.
George Huff. Oh, how I love George. I loved him in season three, and I love him today. He entered the competition under strange circumstances, but, by the time his run was over, had proven to the voters and to the judges that he should have been put in the final 32 from the beginning.
Amy Adams. Okay, I know this might irk some people who counted Amy as just season three's pink-haired contestant 
(and we must have one each year!), but I was an Amy fan before the semi-finals even began. And, watching her performance on the tape today cements that appreciation. Unfortunately the voters, so enamored by JPL, Camile and John Stevens, did not allow her the space to prove it to everyone else. Hers was the first of the unfair ejections last season.
That's my absolute final ten. But twelve? That's a bit of a problem.
I considered Trenyce, for the strong performances she did turn in in season two. Josh Gracin is on the list, even though his performances in season two were nothing short of erratic -- either really good or really bad. Jennifer Hudson is on the list, because, as poorly as she began season three, she did prove herself able, but her attitude was problematic last year and that's still why I hesitate to give her any sort of credit. I even considered Rickey Smith, not because he ranks with the ten, but because he was just so darn much fun in season two. Justin Guarini is on the list too, not that I was ever a fan, though I adored him. Unfortunately, being cute and adorable and giving one really standout performance doesn't make you an all-star.
So I give up. (Now I'm going to work on my Bottom 10 list, the ones who should have never made any cuts at any time on any show.)
Who's on your American Idol All-Star list? If you make a list, please be sure to leave a link in the comment section, so we can all see.
And on a side note, I will be posting AI reminders every Tuesday and Wednesday, so if you're missing the show because you keep forgetting it's on, just put this blog on alert! I promise not to spam you.
Welcome to St. Louis...
Well, at least it was only an hour. Whew.
My favorite moments:
Osborne Smith -- at least he could carry a tune.
Angela Higgs -- I have a soft spot for teachers who celebrate the success of their students more than they celebrate their own. (Too bad Jeremy, but you need to get less "affected". In other words, lose the attitude. You deserved what you didn't get.)
Carrie Underwood -- Carried (sorry, couldn't help it) a tune, and carried it well! You da man, farm girl. Simon says he can't understand why AI hasn't produced a country star yet. I'm sure Josh Gracin liked hearing that.
Joe Schoen -- go back to the sea baby. You are an ass. I don't want you on my television.
A'ayesha -- hmmm. What do I say about you. "Affected" comes to mind, but I already used that with poor little Jeremy. I don't have a clue why they sent you through when they seem to be so averse to the affected ones. Maybe your mom threatened them. I want you to go no further, A'ayesha with the braids. Why? Because your mom is an ass, that's why.
The singing triplets -- you aren't fat. You aren't talented either.
And Adam and Dirk. You guys make the cutest couple. Thank you for the only laugh of the show. I will forever heart Adam and Dirk. But please, don't any idiot give them a recording contract.
And please, in addition to the songs I've already banned, once more I will plead: No more Whitney Houston songs sung by anyone not named Whitney.
Thank you very much for your assistance.
The D.C. auditions...
What can one say about the audition episodes? People either love them or hate them. I am one of the latter. I just have a sick feeling in my stomach watching delusional people being egged on to make fools of themselves for the sake of entertainment. After all, everyone sings like Celine Dion -- to their own ears.
I do enjoy the occasional kick-butt performance, even though a capella it's hard to really distinguish sometimes, but the first few American Idol episodes are not devoted to the ones who can. They're centered around those who cannot. And that is precisely why I prefer to fast foward through the audition footage and go right to the competition.
But, alas, it's what makes this show American Idol.
I have a hard time keeping track of names in the early episodes, but I tried to do my best last night. My observations:
My favorite of the evening was Regina Brooks, who felt so blessed that AI had raised its age limit to 28 just in time for her to get her shot. She's a mom with a husband who's not real pleased about her pursuing her Hollywood dream, and is forced to choose between selling her karaoke machine and her wedding band to raise the funds to make it to D.C. for the tryout.
So, because she can't imagine a life without music, she hocks the ring. Questionable judgement, but maybe that's why hubby isn't all that enthused about her leaving him and the adorable baby behind. She sang well, but I am prejudiced when it comes to Johnny Mathis songs, especially Misty. And, for whatever reason, Simon summons her husband, who seems to change his tune about supporting the Mrs. (And people accuse women of forever changing their minds. Whatever.)
Regina is off to Hollywood, carrying with her an interesting backdrop of a story. (Flashback of single-mom Fantasia here.)
Isn't sheprecious...
I almost cried myself when Jesse Cazella forgot the lyrics to You [Raise] Me Up. [see comments] I have a sneaky suspicion I would have cried too had he remembered them, but watching him crumble as all of his hopes came crashing down around him was a little tough to watch. Every now and then Paula serves a purpose.
Isn't he broken...
And I did snicker at Toni Braxton's "cousin" lecturing me ad nauseum about his sexiness and verbally assaulting all of the judges. Delusional people I feel for; arrogant idiots I laugh at. (And did anyone ask proof of familial relationships? Hell, I could call myself Jennifer Banks, sister to Tyra, but that won't get me in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition.)
Isn't he lying...
Everyone is talking about Mary Roach, who would have changed her name to some French number with more star quality had she made it to Hollywood (Lord, Leah LaBelle, see what you started...) and her internal back-up singers. Yep. She was a scary one. How dare anyone put her and sweet, but not insane, William Hung, in the same sentence? Cut that out NOW, the voices tell me to say. NOW.
Isn't she scary...
Then there was Constantine Maroulis, the screaming lead singer of a New York band who delivered a suprisingly good performance in the audition and got his yellow paper. He could bring a different quality to the show, but it could be in the same vein as Josh Gracin's country slant or John Stevens' crooner mode. But I don't care, because he stabbed his bandmates in the collective back by auditioning in secret and abandoning them on national television.
Isn't he jerky...
I want never ever to hear God Bless America, America the Beautiful, Tomorrow or Isn't She Lovely? ever ever again. Thank you.
And I really enjoyed the young woman at the end of the program, the one following God's instruction. God may have told her to sing, but too bad he didn't give her the chops to do so. And I really get a kick out of the ones who, when ability fails (or was never there to fail in the first place) use the God card in the hope that invoking God's instruction will pressure and/or guilt the judges into handing over an invitation. And then, when that fails, God's little singer proceeds to dissolve into a profanity-laden diatribe. Yep. I'm sure God's proud.
Isn't she vulgar...
And so it goes. Tune in tonight for more lunacy.
