idol in aisle three...

As Anthony Fedorov is having his shoes scanned and carrying his own luggage back to Philadelphia, the three remaining Idol contestants are relaxing in the comfort of their own private jets, zipping to the old homestead for a few hours of celebrity worship before zapping back to prepare for the last cut before the finale on May 24.

I know you're dying to know what's on their agenda.  So was I.  So I decided to find out.

Of course, they're all headed south, cause that's where all Idols and Idol runners-up come from, which should have been the neon clue yesterday that Anthony was a goner.

Bo will be headed home to Alabama, where he's scheduled to make Friday appearances in both his hometown of Helena and nearby Birmingham.  His first appearance will be on the, ahem, Rick & Bubba Show (this is not a joke), on Y-94.5 FM.  He's then scheduled to pop in at the local FOX morning show before heading to the Wal-Mart (seriously) to sign CDs.  Then they have him scheduled for a procession on his way to the park on Buck Creek, where he will have a meet and greet with his fans.

Carrie is going home to Checotah, Oklahoma, population 12, and is scheduled to have lunch with everybody before leading a parade through town to Pocket Park, where's she scheduled to sing the national anthem.

The Checotah Police Department (?) is ready for crowd control, we are being assured by its dispatcher, because "this is one of those things where we could be totally swamped."  Gee.  Ya think?

Post Pocket Park, she will be the center of attention in, presumably, the center of town, hosting a meet and greet at the People's National Bank hospitality room.  (This is not a joke.)  Then they're gonna rustle her up a limo and take her to the Wal-Mart.  No, really.

I want extra comments as a reward for my self-restraint.

Vonzell's hometown is a bit larger, and she's getting the key to it on what will be known as "Vonzell Solomon Day," in Ft. Myers, Florida.  [I've always wondered what that key unlocks.  Is it a master key?  Does it unlock everything in the city?  Or does it just unlock the bathrooms at Pocket Park?]

Oh, wait.  She's not headed to the Pocket, Vonzell will be arriving, by boat, no less, (this is Florida, after all) to Centennial Park.  No word, as yet, if she'll get to go to the Wal-Mart.  But if I find out, I will break into regularly scheduled blogging.

We can all watch as Vonzell visits home, by checking out www.news-press.com for live coverage. 

Oh, the perks of fame.