it's a finale simulblog...

It's my last chance to simulblog American Idol, so here we go...................

I'll skip over the red carpet interviews with celebrities I could care less about.  And the dressing room interviews with Diana, Fantasia and the judges.  And LaToya's, George's and Jasmine's performances, all of which are available on the AI3 CD, by the way.

It's time for the show!

I knew it.  Tamyra.  You know, she co-wrote the song the new Idol will record for her first single.  Really!  I heard that.  It's the national anthem and the longest rendition I think I've ever heard.

Poorly scripted intro to the first song.  Geesh, I saw this coming two miles away.  The Impossible Dream.  Always dream it folks!  Cue Diana.  Then Fantasia.  Then Kelly.  Then Ruben.  Very predictable, but I really liked it.  Hmmm.  What's wrong with me.  I liked it.  Towel for Ruben.

Checking in with the hometown.  Clay Aiken talks with Fantasia's county commissioner.  Now it don't get no bigger than that.  A billboard for their girl.  Hey, nice gesture.  Lots of loud people.  Clay is having audio problems tonight.  Time for Diana's people.  Her choir teacher.  Awww.  How sweet.  It's always nice to know our teachers are proud of us.  And, let's hear it for Snellville.  It's the mayor!  At least he's not dressed in a pink suit like the governor.  They're proud of their girl too.  I bet if she wins tonight, she'll get another trip to the Wal*Mart.  Could Kim Caldwell look any more like Barbie?  Just asking.

Commercial time.  Tinkle break.

Yea.  It's Kelly.  Beautiful Disaster.  That's one of the only songs I've liked from Kelly since she won season one.  Good performance.  But it's Kelly.

I knew it.  Cheesy commercial.  Tinkle time.  Maybe I'll take a shower.

Oh no.  It's the Cowsills.  Dressed in white and yellow.  Looks like neither John or JPL has taken any dance lessons during their time off.  And Camile hasn't taken any singing lessons either.  Neither has Leah.  Get her off of my TV.  NOW.  I love you Amy.  And they're still really not letting the guys sing.  Don't blame them.  Ahhh.  John.  He gets a big band moment after all!  And it's a solo.  And it was nice.  Well, the costumes were pretty Partridge Family-y, and the dancing was obscene, but that was a pleasant enough medley of the season's themes.  Please send Leah home again.  Rapidly.

Commercial break.  Gotta tinkle.  Maybe I'll walk the dog.

Now, what if Ruben came on stage and sang his new single.  Oh, that's what he's doing.  And it's called What If.  This is the first I've heard it.  Now, is it just me or does this song sound EXACTLY like Sorry, 2004 but just with different lyrics?  I was just wishing for 2004 to end already so that I wouldn't hear that song anymore and now I'm asking what if someone somewhere wrote a decent song for Ruben.  

Commerical time.  Time to tinkle.  Maybe I'll finish the laundry too.  And vacuum.

And we're back.  Laundry's done.  And it's time for a Diana performance.  More reruns.  Don't they know how much this retreading is irking me?  And, guess what...it's a song by Tamyra Gray.  She co-wrote it.  And it will be the first single for the new Idol.  She does a great job.  Better than last night.  Uh oh.  It's the Jasmine effect.  Diana honey, it's too late to cry.  The voting's over.  Besides, you don't cry out loud, remember?

Fantasia's turn.  Geesh Ryan, keep your hands to yourself.  And she's going to sing a new song?  A New Song?  Can't be.  No Summertime?  Damn.  It's a song called Dreams.  Is this a theme night?  First The Impossible Dream and now real Dreams.  I wonder if Tamyra wrote this too.  Fantasia doesn't cry tonight.  Maybe she knows she won't be the one crying tonight.  Or maybe she's saving those tears.  For later.

Commercials!  Time to wash the car.  And clean the refrigerator.  Maybe I'll tinkle.

It's duet time, and Diana is bossing the damn audience around again.  Hell she's waving the microphone at the ones on the aisle.  Diana, one more time, you are NOT the BOSS of them.  They can do what they want, so if they don't want to get up on their feet and party, they do not have to.  Okay duet, but I do wishthey would stop with all the kissing.  Ruben and Clay didn't kiss all over the place.

Time for the judges comments.  Oh the suspense.  Oh the votes!  Oh the drama.  Oh the B.S.  Oh Happy Day!  Mini-group hug.  Yep, she was saving those tears for now.  Fantasia breaks her shoe and her necklace.  But who cares when you're an American Idol.   Tons of graciousness from Diana.  More kissing. 

And Fantasia and the robed ones sing the show and the season to an end.  Confetti abounds.  And The Partridge Family joins her on stage.  Major group hug.

...as the news breaks in to announce that thousands of Idol votes were not counted.  Oh good.  I was so worried that we would not have another controversy to obsess about until the beginning of next season.

Idol...out.