episode five...

Cleveland or bust...

And so we're nearing the end of the audition episodes, with "highlights" from the Cleveland and Orlando stops.  Did we find any potential finalists?  Maybe.  But vocals aside, most the featured ones might be called "image-impaired."

My new favorite is Scott Savol, who put Ruben to shame with his abbreviated rendition of "Superstar."  Who woulda thunk it?  Guest host LL Cool J was on the money when he said "they'll never see you coming."  That voice coming out of the that face was startling.  And wonderful.  He will undoubtedly encounter "style" obstacles, moreso than Clay Aiken, but I cannot imagine a final 24 without that voice.

Most of the Clay Aiken analogies were reserved for Anthony Federov, who also got a gold ticket to the Hollywood stylists.  Told he would probably never speak after undergoing a childhood tracheotomy, his story will undoubtedly build him an early fan base, and we will soon, no doubt, see a different looking young man, even though I think he's pretty cute as is. 

Seems this show is becoming American Idol -- The Swan Edition.

Pat Norman, resplendent in denim overalls and fresh from the dairy farm,  got a ticket to advance as did Jaclyn Crum, after nearly Crumling from nerves.  I failed to see her appeal, and Randy was right in casting the no vote.  I don't think she's ready to withstand the pressure of the next step.  But it's early. 

And maybe Blue is this year's Pink.  Briana Davis, of the stunning blue hair (not your grandma's blue, mind you), the understated makeup and the tailored, impeccably-matched wardrobe, chose a questionable audition song in "Phantom of the Opera" but impressed the judges, and me, enough to advance.  I hope she avoids any more Sarah Brightman imitations, though, until she has some instrumental backup, because those high notes can resemble screaming otherwise.  And I always root for the most colorfully tressed in the bunch.

And what can be said about the 10-minute visit to Orlando?  Where was Ryan's visit with Mickey or his ride on the teacups?  Come on cheesy segment producers, you're slipping!

There was Vonzell Solomon who was "born to sing," according to Randy.  Don't know if she was born to or not, but she does have a CD under her fabric belt.  She's a shoo-in for the top 24.  (SPOILER: Actually that's not as fearless a prediction as it appears -- it's all over the internet and in the print media.)

And Dezmond Meeks.  Oh Dezmond.  Mr. Entertainment.  Where is Gene Simmons when we need him?  Randy says no.  Simon says no.  Paula cries and stomps her feet and holds her breath until she turns purple.  Poor Paula.  Paula will quit the show unless Dezmond gets promoted.  (Apparently she thinks she will return to the exciting and soaring career she left behind and is still waiting for her.  Oh wait.  That was 20 years ago.  Never mind.)  So Randy buys her the toy.  I mean changes his vote.  Paula is happy once again, punches Simon once again, and will interrupt happily ever after.

And so we await, impatiently, the end to the torture known as the auditions.  Tonight is the LAST one.  The Hollywood shows start next Tuesday.

Now we're talking fun.  Let the game begin.