episode nine...

End of the road...

Or well, it was for all but 44 of the American Idol hopefuls. There were tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of anger and new faces all around.

As per usual, the kids are separated into four groups and tucked away in the four rooms of death.  Or life.  The air is thick with suspense, and they examine the faces that surround them.  Too bad there was no suspense on the other end, however, because last night registered a zero on the surprise meter.

Sweating in room one -- Angel, the voice teacher who suffered the meltdown at the news that her student Jeremy would not be accompanying her to Hollywood.  Sean, the youth pastor.  Rashida, the one with the virus and Shunta, she of the wrong bus.

While in room two we see Jamar, half of the twins, Mario, mom's baby boy, the one with the hat, Carrie from the farm, Vondell from the postal service, David from the church, Anwar from the middle school and Constantine from the band.

Gee whiz.  Which group will make it through?

The most suspenseful moment of the first half was the sponsor of the Ken Jennings, he of Jeopardy! fame, commercial.

Of course, we get to see and hear selected snippets of the kids' last solo auditions, the good ones and the terrible ones, which either nailed the coffin or provided a last pass.

Second half of the show we get a better look at rooms three and four. Oh the mystery!  Oh the misery!

In room three we see faces of people we've never met.  Or heard.  But we do see Jennifer Todd, the non-barbie doll.  We hear her less-than-stellar last song.  We see Ross Williams, the crooner and get to listen as he hums his last song.  There's Dezmond Meeks, but there won't be a Paula tantrum for him today.  

I've always wondered what Alvin the Chipmunk would sound like singing Michael Jackson.  I wonder no longer.  But Alvin has changed his name to Aa'shia.  Thankfully Alvin'shia will not be assigned any 1-866 numbers anytime soon.  Nor will she dirty up the inside of my TV screen any more.  My television and I thank you.

The tension and the tears flow in room four as Paula and Randy decide to play a little prank on the kids.  Those little pranksters!  Telling the kids how proud they should be of themselves, her voice choking with tears, Paula's speech goes on two minutes past funny.  She finally spits out the punchline, which causes an eruption of screams and hugs, but not before the Coast Guard is called to save the crew from drowning in the tears of Jaclyn Crum and Tammy Nash.

Happy kids.  Sad kids.  Lots of hugs and lots of bleeps. 

Tonight we slash 20 more.  More hugs.  More bleeps.

Start picking your faves.  We go live next week.

Gotta love it.